Forgiveness
Last weekend I went to the Ilsan English Church to talk to someone who is a counselor. I had to talk about some things. I had a number of things I wanted to let off my chest.
Well, I grew up feeling "different". I had posted about it before. I could read National Geographic at age six and liked reading the World Book Encyclopedia at age 7. I have memories from before the age of two. I was asked if anything was ever done for my talents and I had to say "no". My mother insisted that my sister and I go to church schools, and anything else was out of the question. We never skipped grades because we were constantly changing schools. Well, technically we did skip grades. For third grade and sixth grade I was homeschooled (for my sister it would be second and fifth) and we didn't do much work. We just went to the new grade with no questions asked.
Before I left for Korea again, my aunt was hateful. I left the house on Christmas night to spend the night with my sister. She would take me to the airport in the morning. I told my mother and aunt I loved them. I went outside. I later went back inside because I forgot something. My aunt said to me "Don't you say anything about loving us, because if you did you wouldn't be going back to Korea!". I shut the door and went back to the car. "How could she say that!" I said to my sister. I had been there when she had a stroke. I had taken care of her. I felt so hurt.
I know that my aunt is deteriorating. When I came to Korea, I wondered how long I should stay, thinking about the possibility of her having another stroke. Yet, I will no longer make myself responsible for her.
I did grow up with my aunt saying many things to me that upset me. She had a temper and a short fuse. I really do need to forgive her and move on. I am glad to be halfway around the world now. Yet, I won't ever go back where I came from, I am not interested.
Well, I grew up feeling "different". I had posted about it before. I could read National Geographic at age six and liked reading the World Book Encyclopedia at age 7. I have memories from before the age of two. I was asked if anything was ever done for my talents and I had to say "no". My mother insisted that my sister and I go to church schools, and anything else was out of the question. We never skipped grades because we were constantly changing schools. Well, technically we did skip grades. For third grade and sixth grade I was homeschooled (for my sister it would be second and fifth) and we didn't do much work. We just went to the new grade with no questions asked.
Before I left for Korea again, my aunt was hateful. I left the house on Christmas night to spend the night with my sister. She would take me to the airport in the morning. I told my mother and aunt I loved them. I went outside. I later went back inside because I forgot something. My aunt said to me "Don't you say anything about loving us, because if you did you wouldn't be going back to Korea!". I shut the door and went back to the car. "How could she say that!" I said to my sister. I had been there when she had a stroke. I had taken care of her. I felt so hurt.
I know that my aunt is deteriorating. When I came to Korea, I wondered how long I should stay, thinking about the possibility of her having another stroke. Yet, I will no longer make myself responsible for her.
I did grow up with my aunt saying many things to me that upset me. She had a temper and a short fuse. I really do need to forgive her and move on. I am glad to be halfway around the world now. Yet, I won't ever go back where I came from, I am not interested.
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