Keira Brigit Pauline

I am glad to see 2009 go. Honestly, I didn't have much of a good year overall. I left for Korea on December 26, 2008 for my second try at working there. I had worked there from 2005-2006. I missed Korea and was looking for another good experience, hopefully even better than my previous one. I left my home on Christmas. I had been there for two years, mostly because I was helping my aunt after she had a stroke. I was employed sporadically and was lonely a lot. I told my family I loved them and I left with my sister. I would spend the night at her place before going to the airport in the morning. I went back for something I left behind. My aunt then said to me "don't you say anything about loving us, because if you did you wouldn't be going back to Korea". Her words stung. I went to my sister's car and fumed about how I hung around to take care of her, helping her dress herself and taking her places. I do realise now that I can't take things she says...

Suzy the Scholar Cat! This is how my books came from www.amazon.com. They were delivered to the local supermarket. I will have stuff delivered to the school from now on. The cats exploring the box.

Last weekend I went to the Ilsan English Church to talk to someone who is a counselor. I had to talk about some things. I had a number of things I wanted to let off my chest. Well, I grew up feeling "different". I had posted about it before. I could read National Geographic at age six and liked reading the World Book Encyclopedia at age 7. I have memories from before the age of two. I was asked if anything was ever done for my talents and I had to say "no". My mother insisted that my sister and I go to church schools, and anything else was out of the question. We never skipped grades because we were constantly changing schools. Well, technically we did skip grades. For third grade and sixth grade I was homeschooled (for my sister it would be second and fifth) and we didn't do much work. We just went to the new grade with no questions asked. Before I left for Korea again, my aunt was hateful. I left the house on Christmas night to spend the night with my...

Yes, today marks the tenth anniversary of Nathan's death. He died at Andrews University. I knew him for five years. I was busy all day because of final exams. I was also cleaning out my dorm room for Christmas break and packing for my trip home. I had heard some information about a car accident, but dismissed the information because I didn't know much about it. I was happy to finish with my exams because it was some less things I had to think about. I decided to go to bed early I had to leave early in the morning to get a ride with a friend. I found some students talking in the hallway and they were all sad. They said that the car accident was Nathan's car. I didn't have to be told he died, I just knew. I want to my room and cried hard. I cried and cried for a long time and just wet my pillow. I found that he was out early that morning and went to get blank CDs for a friend of his. The weather was terrible, he should have stayed on campus. He was rushing back to ...

Here is a list of the top twenty countries I want to visit. I know the list is very quixotic, so if I had all the time and money at my disposal: Nepal This little kingdom in the Himalayas still has living goddesses called "Kumaris". Kathmandu looks like a magnificent old city. Bhutan This tiny kingdom only accepts a few thousand visitors every year. The flora and fauna are very exotic. It is a very traditional country. South Africa I have met up with many South Africans in Korea. I had three roommates from SA. I hear about the country a lot, so I am interested in going there. Hong Kong I met up with a world traveler and he told me Hong Kong was his favourite country. Hong Kong means "fragrant harbour" in Chinese. North Korea Having lived in South Korea for a total of two and a half years, I wonder what is in the neighbouring country. I have heard of Geumgangsan (Gold River Mountain), which is supposed to be beautiful and Baekdusan on the Chinese/NK border. Py...

Last Saturday I stayed at the high school where I work. I had to do the English Sabbath School in the morning. I wasn't supposed to do it, but the person who was to do it had to do something else. I therefore wasn't able to attend the English church later. I thought of trying to go to the English church to join a group that would be going to a Korean church later. There was a meal at my high school for the staff, and I was very tired. I decided to eat lunch and then just go home and take a nap. I was also too tired to go anywhere on Saturday night. On Sunday I got up and went to the COEX Mall. I wanted to leave earlier, but I had no sleep. My cats woke me up and my neighbors were loud. My Americans across the hall came back late and were loud. The Korean man next to me had his TV blaring. I left and browsed the book store for some books to use in English classes and to learn Korean. I quickly went home to return a cat I have been watching for someone. I got the cat and ...

Soon I will be visiting "home" for two weeks. I am a bit reluctant to call it home. Korea has become my home for now. I don't plan on returning to my old town for good. I have decided that I may stay abroad for many years, possibly for life. However, I have thought of studying in the USA again, but that woulnd't mean won't make plans to leave the USA later. I don't have the faith in my country as I was raised to have it. I was raised with the notion that the United States is the "best" country in the world, everybody wanted to live there, and that that the US of A had the biggest and best of everything. How wrong that was. I moved away from that mentality and decided to explore the globe. If I didn't, I would be bissfully ignorant and trying to live it up the American way, happily thinking that I wouldn't need to see the world outside the borders. Yet I became a traveler, a seeker, and it is something I will never get over. I am happ...

I went to a Thanksgiving dinner at a nearby church last night. I had some corn, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, macaroni, and pumpkin pie. I also tried some sweet potato casserole for the first time. It's a Southern specialty. I liked it. I do think I have a lot to be thankful for. I got the idea to write a list of things to be thankful for from another blogger friend . I am thankful for: loved ones the opportunity to travel rainbows, prisms, crystals my cats the smell of the ocean Christmas lights snowflakes Crocheting, knitting and other handicrafts bookstores and libraries incense art museums and galleries vintage films vintage photography sandy beaches sunsets and sunrises (I want someday to see the aurora borealis or aurora australis) making new friends learning martial arts playing musical instruments being accepted into graduate school walking, talking, seeing, hearing, touch, taste, smell Music: nearly any kind Having a support system here in Korea that is like family...

I love this man's art. I love all the pinks and reds in it. "The Crossing" "Temptation" "Sonata" "Two Dimensions"

This is from a series of videos called "The Arrivals" on Youtube. This is about mind control in the media. Explicit language.

Max Perutz won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 1962 for discovering the third-dimensional structure of hemoglobin. He still didn't understand how hemoglobin carried oxygen throughout the body. He still pondered that thought. At the prize ceremony he stated: "Please forgive me for presenting, on such a great occasion, results which are still in the making. But the glaring sunlight of certain knowledge is dull, and one feels most exhilarated by the twilight and expectancy of dawn". Perutz lived to be 87 years old and worked long after he could have fully retired. He was always looking to discover new things. That's what I want to do, never stop exploring and pondering.

1. Stop worrying about what others think. 2. Do things because you want to. 3. Give up the image. 4. Know what makes you unique. 5. Be clear about what makes you happy. 6. Know your emotional triggers. 7. Act on what you know is right. 8. Have an opinion and express it. 9. Let others see you. 10. Never apologise for being you.

When I was a kid I used to come home from school and watch Animaniacs and Tiny Toon Adventures. I still remember a lot of the episodes I saw. I don't think the cartoons they make now are as good. Yu-gi-oh and Pokemon don't cut it. Pinky and the Brain were my favourite characters from Animaniacs. The two lovable mice that want to take over the world were funny. I loved how Brain would often say "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Of course Pinky, the dimwit, would always say something irrelevant like "yes, sure, how would we get pink tutus for both of us?" Those were the days. Here's Pinky and the Brain singing "Brainstem" which is about brain anatomy. Here is Plucky Duck singing about arcade games to Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy" and "Russian Dance".

Contrabass saxophone blues Contrabass flute Sub-contrabass flute!! OH MY!!! There is supposedly only one in the world. Contrabassoon "Everything Went Numb" on contralto clarinet Contrabass Sarrusophone I think this is so funky. Contrabass French Horn:

I used an essay topic for my higher level students this week. It was a discussion on what makes a successful life. It used cooking as a metaphor for a recipe for a successful life. As people like different cuisines, they also enjoy different lifestyles. What would be an interesting life for one person would be boring for someone else. We all have an idea of what is a recipe for success, and we have different proportions of things we want in life. Some of us want more education, others more travel, etc. I asked the students what was most important to them for success. Most of them said "Money". There were many girls who said "Family". It shows the different values of the sexes here. We agreed that education is important to reach goals. Education is highly valued in this culture. I thought about what I have deemed success. I must be honest with myself. 1. Travel. Ever since I was a young child I have wanted to travel the globe. 2. Education. I would lik...

I got my yellow belt today.

Today I heard from an old classmate from middle school. My former classmate dropped out of high school because she got pregnant. Thankfully, she later got a job with an ambulance crew. She is a single mother with three daughters. Her oldest child has leukemia. She is going through lots of chemotherapy. Shame. The father has nothing to do with his children and never sends any money. This is the message as was typed: "i found him, and talked for a little. i asked him flat out if she ever need bonemarow would he ever help. his answer was pretty much if i don't have to pay child support." "ive realized as a single parent that sometimes its better not to have the other one around. I just have to find a way to tell destine when she gets older that her dad knew that she was going through cemo. and could care less." How cold. It disgusts me how someone could be so uncaring. Not sending any money is despicable, yet showing little care to see if he can help wit...

Yesterday I went to the doctor at Hoegi between classes and had my stitches removed. I had a biopsy done the week before to see what my skin condition was. The doctor said it's psoriasis. I still have some of it on my upper arms and legs, trunk, and face. I have been wearing cover-up on my face and wearing enough other makeup to sort of detract attention from the marks on my cheeks. I went back to taekwondo after being gone for nearly two weeks. I went to the second class. I felt a bit out of step because I was very tired. I am still a white belt, so it will still take some time to get very skilled at everything. I found that two people are leaving the dojang. One young man is going to the military. I recalled that he told me that before. Also, an American woman is leaving too. I was surprised to find that out. She decided to test for her black belt that day. We all stayed later for her to test. She did get her black belt. I could tell she was nervous. She tried again and...

This is an arrangement by the Japanese composer Isao Tomita. This video has pictures from The Little Prince . It is one of the best children's stories of all time.

There are some things I want to do when I visit the USA for two weeks over December/January. First, I want to go through my things. I want to get rid of some clothes and books that I won't use. I want to see if I can sell some of the books at the largest bookstore in the world--The Yantic Book Barn. It has 300,000 new and used books. I am sure it's like going into the world's largest candy store. I also want to go to Victoria's Station Cafe, my old haunt. I know I want to sit by their fireplace and pick up random things from their bookshelves, most likely a Harvard Classic or a National Geographic. I do want to go to my home church and see the church members that I have known for most of my life. I will be happy to see them. They have been like my real family. I do know I will go to Boston with my sister and my friend Michelle. I want to go see her. I am not sure what we will do, probably eat at Uno's or Bertucci's (Boston has great Italian food) and mayb...

I went to church today at the university. I was invited to go to a baptism social by some friends from Australia. I had a good time talking with some people there. I finally met up with Jonathan, someone I worked with at another school. He was happy to see me. He asked me what I did when I was in the USA. I told him I worked and spent time taking care of my aunt who had a stroke. I know he got his master's degree in English while he was away from Korea. I could have gotten a master's as well, yet things didn't work out for me to go. I am actually glad I didn't get my master's in teaching because I decided I don't want to work with children as a career. In a sense, it was a blessing. I have been wondering what to do with myself. I recently came across someone on facebook that I had met many years ago. I had remembered her name because we had many mutual acquaintances. I had met her years ago when I was about eight years old. She was a friend of my sch...

On October 22 there was a dedication ceremony for the new school building. Some old classroom buildings were removed. Sunise Late-blooming roses

A friend of mine posted a challenge on his blog: give the names of five men and five women you would like to kiss. Honestly, I can't come up with a definite ten people. First, it's not something I have thought of much. Who to kiss? I don't know. I am not gay or bisexual (he says he's not either), yet I can think of women I would kiss if I had to. For women: Madonna. She has always had that sexy aura about her even though she's older now. I heard there's a French saying that is "women are like wines, they get better as they age". I think that can be true to an extent. Ann-Margaret and Sophia Loren are women who looked sexy in their later years. "Open Your Heart to Me" was very sexy. I can't find the official video. Bettie Page. She was the iconic pin-up girl in the 1950s. The jet-black hair and the pale skin was a great combination. Jennifer Connoly. I loved her in Labyrinth as a kid. She had nice long hair, was interested in...

I found this on Youtube. I was surprised to find it. I was there!

I went to a Cosmos festival yesterday in Guri. It was near the Han River. Ther were booths for crafts, food, information, and wares. There were also some entertainers there as well.

Here are some videos from the University of Nottingham on Nobel Prizes. The staff there have received letters from the Nobel Prize committee, asking them to nominate people for the prize. I still don't understand why Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize. I think it was rigged. He didn't do enough things in office to win that prize. He hasn't even been in office for one year! I do wonder who and how Obama was selected as a prize-winner for the peace prize. In college I went to see V.S. Naipaul, just after he won the Nobel Prize in Literature. He spoke in front of a crowd of over 600 people at the Boston Public Library. He answered questions from the audience. I do remember him saying that he preferred to read things that would make him learn something, as opposed to simply for entertainment. He also said that it would be better for students to obtain science degrees these days, because arts degrees have become too easy to get. He said it was difficult for him to say all t...

I don't think he deserved it. I do think his foreign policy is better than Bush's, yet I don't think he has done enough to be put on the history books as a Nobel Prize winner. I am sure there are many who have done more and could get that. I do find it shocking.

I buried the kitten, Zoey, on Saturday afternoon. It developed breathing problems and died. It died at the vet's. Thankfully he didn't charge me for the overnight stay. I was saddened because I had just lost a cat that I had left behind in the USA. It got ill and died. I was happy to find that kitten because of the loss of the first cat. On Monday I went to the street market and rescued a kitten for 10,000 won. It was in a cage and was malnourished. I immediately brought it to the vet. It was there a few days and I visited it once. I found out today that it too, died. It had many parasites. I thought it was going to be fine. The vet said it was playful (it was), and that it could be healthy later. Well, the parasites were too much. I am not too saddened because I never got to have a relationship with this one. But I am beside myself. I am emotionally drained. When work gets out I will pick up the carrier. I really don't think I am ready to take in any more anim...

Next year the World's Fair will be held in Shanghai, China from May 1 to October 31. I should go to it. I should take this chance. I have wanted to go to a World's Fair for many years. There will also be a specialised World's Fair in Yeosu, Korea in 2012. It will be about the world's oceans. I would like to see that one if I can.

I post this in honour of Puffy and Zoey. Rest in peace kitty-babies.

Zoey and her friend. I just finished burying Zoey. I only had her for just more than a week. I am sad. She developed a breathing problem. I had picked her up while walking home on Thursday night. I took her to the vet the next day for shots and a check-up. I thought she would be a good pet for me. I had just lost a pet and felt that it was a stroke of Providence to find a new pet so quickly. On Tuesday I left for a teacher's training session and left some food out for my cats. I was away for two nights. When I came back on Thursday afternoon, I noticed the kitten was breathing heavily. I called the vet and brought her over. He said she had the cat flu and gave her some shots and said to come back over the next few days so she could get the medicine. He said it wasn't serious. On Friday I brought her in again and told the vet she hadn't ate anything. It was true. He gave her some more medicine and said some of it was for her appetite to get better. In the afternoon sh...

I brought the new kitten that I found last night to the vet today. Thankfully there is one very near my home. I am glad I got to have it taken care of within 24 hours. I had it cleaned as it was filthy. It has some fur missing near its ear and a scrape near its front leg. The kitten is about 3 months old. I thought it would be younger. It is very malnourished. The kitten got two shots and some worm medicine. At night it wouldn't come out from under the couch so I put a small dish under it for it to drink out of. It makes a mess when it eats. I am sure it will be fine as a pet because it is still a baby now. When I got back from the vet's I let it out of the carrier in front of the food dish so it would eat and not run away first. It's very shy and nervous.

Last night I was coming back from taekwondo and I had to walk home from the subway station. I had no more money on my bus/train card. While I was walking home I noticed a tiny black and white kitten by the side of the road. I stopped to pick it up, but it hissed at me and tried to run away. I still took it and I held it. I carried it home and it didn't try to run away. It must be about six weeks old. I have to take it to a vet to make sure it isn't ill. It's still filthy, I have nothing to wash it with and didn't have time for cleaning it anyways because I have had to go to work. I will change that soon. It's mostly been under my couch the entire time it's been in my apartment. It was Sunday night when I found out that Puffy died. Puffy was only 3 years old. I am happy to find this new kitty.

Yesterday I went to a doctor at Hoegi. I went to find out about not being able to swallow food well. That started July 6. I have thought it could be stress, the summer heat, many things. It looks like I have GERD, or acid reflux disease. That is when acid comes up from the stomach and irritates the esophagus and throat. The spicy Korean food is one thing leading up to that. I also had a lot of stress with my old job. I didn't like it and I felt the job wasn't worth the strain on my physical and mental health. I was there for six months. After picking up my medication I went to Insadong. I looked around the shops and stuff they sold on the street. I got a few Christmas presents. I poked around a music shop and saw some nice guitars, mandolins, flutes, etc. The concert mandolins had a round back on them. I handled one of them. I don't know how to play one, but they look like fun.I saw many violins and violas. I was surprised to see a lot of ukuleles. I saw an a...

My sister and I just talked on the phone. She said Puffy passed away. She was very distraught. I know the cat meant a lot to her.

My sister called me and said her white cat is sick. I do hope it gets better. I would feel bad for her because the cat is her best friend. There are the pictures of her cat Puffy when I first came back from Korea. The other kitten is my Siamese cat Violet. Violet is my baby and I still miss her.

I went to vespers on Friday night. I went to the street market earlier and got some fruit and some yarn. I want to make a nice wrap. It will be cold soon. In the morning I went to the Koreans' student church. There was lots of singing. It made me wish I could speak Korean better. I later went to Sahmyook University and brought my new guitar with me. My friend Wendy said she would help me learn to play. I went to her and her husband's house for lunch and she had a big crowd there. We talked a lot. I later went home for a nap because everyone was talking and talking and I was getting tired. We can play together another time. I left the instrument with her and she said she'd tune it for me. I went home and laid down for a while and later went for a walk. I decided to cross the street and go to the village over there. I found a nice used clothing store and Dunkin' Donuts. I'll have to explore the area later. I almost got hit by a car because I was crossing ...

Your Mind is 89% Cluttered Your mind is incredibly cluttered. You have so much going on in there, it's hard to think straight. Consider talking to a therapist. It's a good idea to sort through your thoughts, if only to see which ones are worth hanging on to. How Cluttered is Your Mind? Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist Your Quirk Factor: 78% You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average." How Quirky Are You? Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself You Are 87% Non Conformist You're incredibly strange. And a weirdness like yours takes skill to cultivate! No one really understands you. And you're cool with that. You just hope you never have to understand them! You Were the Brainy Kid In high school, you were acing AP classes or hanging out in the computer lab. You may have been a bit of a geek back then, but no...

They arrested someone in the Yale University slaying. I am glad. I hope that is the real perpetrator. more later...

There was a Yale student that was recently murdered last week. Her name was Annie Le from California. She was a pharmacology student. When I was in the United States, I lived two hours from Yale. Her body was found on the day she was supposed to be married. That is very sad. I talked to my mother about the case, and she said Miss Le was known to be a genius and "could have been the next Einstein" to put that figuratively. So far nobody has been convicted. I think it's very sad that she had so much potential and didn't get to live up to it. She wasn't sexually assaulted and didn't have valuables on her. The murder must have been done out of revenge or jealousy. This made me think of another murder of a very intelligent person in Connecticut. Dr. Eugene Mallove was a physicist who was known for his interest in very different theories. He was regarded as an eccentric by some in scientific circles because he dabbled in what was considered "the impo...

Lotus flowers at Lake Park in Ilsan. Near the eating places at Sahmyook University. Sahmyook University Buramsan in the background. Deoksogung Palace. Flowers at Sahmyook University. Taken from the steps of the art museum at Deoksogung.

Here is Sissel singing "Pie Jesu" from Webber's "Requiem". The piece is one of the better parts of the requiem, which is an uneven work. Sissel is most famous for her vocals in the "Titanic" soundtrack. Edita Gruberova also singing "Pie Jesu" by Webber. Here is Cecelia with a different recording of Pie Jesu. I have only heard her doing this one, nobody else. Lucia Popp singing "Pie Jesu" from Faure's "Requiem".

The Age of Reason I want to read this book. This is about how the "romantic generation" learned to view science. It mentions Franklin, Faraday, Goethe, and many other geniuses of the day. It features writers such as Mary Shelley and Samuel Taylor Coleridge and how they wrote about science as well. It has 500+ pages and looks like a nice thick book to read. The Brother Gardeners This is a great history of botany from the 18th and 19th centuries. I saw this at Kyobo Bookstore, but it cost about 52,000 won. I will get it when it's cheaper. It's a new book and also an import. Best American Travel Writing 2009 I have been collecting this series that started in 2000. Prisoner of the State: The Secret Journal of Premier Zhao Ziyang This is a journal written by Premier Zhao Ziyang during the Mao era. He became a political prisoner. I have another book called Wild Swans by Jung Chang that I have read half of. I find Chinese history to be very interesting.

Here is the harp-guitar played by the legendary Alex Degrassi.

Yesterday (and still today in the USA) was the anniversary of the attacks in New York City and Washington D.C. and a downed plane in Pennsylvania. I do remember that day all too well. It is one of those situations where people will always ask "where were you when...?) Tuesday, September 11, 2001 was a beautiful day. It was one of those days when nobody wants to be inside. The weather was warm, there was a light breeze, and there was hardly any clouds in the sky. I had been on campus at my new college for two weeks. I didn't have a job, so I decided I was settled in long enough to start looking for something. I walked to the student employment office. When I was in there I heard an office worker say that an airplane had crashed into one of the twin towers in New York City. I was surprised. I thought it was an accident. I wondered how that could have happened. Did the pilot have a heart attack? But then the co-pilot would have taken over. Did something go wrong with ...

Today I found an article on CNN that said skin whitening cream has become popular in Asia. It focused on how fair skin is en vogue in India. Whitening cream is being sold widely to both genders. It's even advertised on television with ads implying that whiter skin will get them a better job and a better chance at getting a nice life partner. India apparently has a stigma on skin colour, with many people who say that fairer-skinned people are treated better in the job market. India still has arranged marriages and newspaper advertisements for a spouse often say that a fair partner is desired. I do think that the idea of fair skin being more desirable is the "lily of the field" idea. It was popular in Europe for many years. Those with tans were people who worked outside and the rich people could stay inside out of the sun and stay lighter. I have found that this is common here in Korea. Just this week I went to a "Skin Food" shop to find a facial scrub for ...

This was written in New York Times . It's interesting on who actually quoted this. This person seems like a mediocre student. "It didn’t work out quite as I had anticipated. I didn’t know enough to participate in the exciting physics research that was going on at Cornell. I took German, in which the main thing I learned was that I have no head for foreign languages. My courses in philosophy left me puzzled about how ideas of Plato and Descartes that seemed to me absurd could have been so influential. I did not become wise." Who said this?! It sounds like a mediocre student. (Answer below the picture) "Snakes" by M.C. Escher Steven Weinberg, Nobel Prize Laureate in Physics... I can't say if Steven Weinberg was a mediocre student overall or not. The truth is that geniuses are just as human as everyone else.

She does very good in this rendition of "Pie Jesu" in Fuare's Requiem. The harp is lovely. Lucia Popp also sang a great version of this as well.

This video features one of the Pacific islands' greatest musicians. He died a few years ago. He had a weight problem, it actually got so bad that eventually he needed a forklift to get on the stage. He was considered someone who had a heart as big as he was. The final part of the video shows some footage of his funeral. I noticed people in the water cheering as his ashes were being poured into the water. It was to celebrate his life. Shouldn't that be what services are for?

I came back from church and found one of my hedgehogs dead. I buried it in the yard with one of my potted flower bulbs. I do hope it comes up again in the spring. I feel bad for the other hedgehog. That one seems to be doing well so far, but she hasn't realized that her friend won't be around anymore.

Free-IQTest.net - IQ Test

I have a lesson in one of my English textbooks about the Westernisation of Korea. It speaks of blond hair on Koreans and imported red wines. When I first went to Korea, I was very surprised to see so many Koreans with brown or blond hair. During my first week I went to a PC bang to check my e-mail and was surprised that the man at the desk had a voluptous mane of light blond hair. I wanted to laugh. Many of the Korean models and movie stars have brown hair. One of the soccer players in the World Cup in 2006 sported a shock of blond hair. I also noticed lots of Pizza Huts, Dunkin Donuts, Outback Steakhouses, and Subways. It was nice to have some of those things, yet I felt it was also sad that there were so many of them. Many Korean children are now overweight because they eat lots of fast food. I was shocked to find out how many of my students said they wanted "bigger eyes". They felt that larger Western eyes were desirable. Many people in Korea and Japan have surg...