Marriage and Having a Baby
Today in class I was talking to my students about changes in life. There was a list of eight things in the lesson. They were, in no order:
I asked the students which would be the most happiest of all those things. The girls were almost unanimous that "having a baby" would be the most happiest thing. The next happiest thing would be "falling in love" and "getting married". The boys thought that "graduation" and "getting promoted" would be happiest, and some did say "getting married". Having a baby was about #2, #3, or #4 on their list.
What is it about so many women that they think having a baby would be the best thing for them? Well, first there is that motherly instinct that is almost universal about women. Also, society seems to say that having a baby would make any couple deliriously happy. It is like the idea that being in love makes us completely happy.
I have known some childless women that have nearly drove themselves mad over the fact they didn't have a baby.
I had a teacher in middle school who was married a few years and childless. She was in her late twenties and wanted a baby as soon as possible. Her husband was still attending school and was later looking for a job. Her husband told her it wasn't the right time to have a child, and that they should wait until later. He was forcing her to take a contraceptive every morning at breakfast. She fought with him a lot about it, and told the students at class about it. She one locked herself in the restroom to cry for a long time. The students coached her, telling her to hide the pills under her tongue. After a few years she and her husband moved out of the area and later had two boys. All that fighting and sadness was for nothing.
I knew a couple for many years who didn't have children. The wife wanted a baby badly and tried everything. She tried IVF and lost the baby. The couple looked at adoption domestically, in Guatemala, and later China. They were raising money to adopt a Chinese baby when the husband finally had enough of it all and divorced her. She is now somewhere in her 40s and will most likely never be a parent.
Do we really need children to be happy? After a baby, couples have less time for intimacy, less money, and more things that they will have to compromise. With usually both parents working, they have to balance their jobs and a family. Are parents really happier than childless adults? Honestly, I don't think so.
It is true that parenting can be rewarding for those parents who put in the effort to do their best and their children in turn are kind to them. Yet it is possible to have a good life and be satisfied without children. They are not necessary for happiness.
I shall say the same thing about being in a relationship: it doesn't guarantee happiness. With so much abuse, people being mismatched, and making mistakes; they don't make us happy all the time. It is possible to be single and happy with it as long as we don't make ourselves miserable over the fact we are still single.
- Getting married
- Moving Out
- Graduation
- Getting promoted
- Retirement
- Falling in love
- Having a baby
- Getting divorced
I asked the students which would be the most happiest of all those things. The girls were almost unanimous that "having a baby" would be the most happiest thing. The next happiest thing would be "falling in love" and "getting married". The boys thought that "graduation" and "getting promoted" would be happiest, and some did say "getting married". Having a baby was about #2, #3, or #4 on their list.
What is it about so many women that they think having a baby would be the best thing for them? Well, first there is that motherly instinct that is almost universal about women. Also, society seems to say that having a baby would make any couple deliriously happy. It is like the idea that being in love makes us completely happy.
I have known some childless women that have nearly drove themselves mad over the fact they didn't have a baby.
I had a teacher in middle school who was married a few years and childless. She was in her late twenties and wanted a baby as soon as possible. Her husband was still attending school and was later looking for a job. Her husband told her it wasn't the right time to have a child, and that they should wait until later. He was forcing her to take a contraceptive every morning at breakfast. She fought with him a lot about it, and told the students at class about it. She one locked herself in the restroom to cry for a long time. The students coached her, telling her to hide the pills under her tongue. After a few years she and her husband moved out of the area and later had two boys. All that fighting and sadness was for nothing.
I knew a couple for many years who didn't have children. The wife wanted a baby badly and tried everything. She tried IVF and lost the baby. The couple looked at adoption domestically, in Guatemala, and later China. They were raising money to adopt a Chinese baby when the husband finally had enough of it all and divorced her. She is now somewhere in her 40s and will most likely never be a parent.
Do we really need children to be happy? After a baby, couples have less time for intimacy, less money, and more things that they will have to compromise. With usually both parents working, they have to balance their jobs and a family. Are parents really happier than childless adults? Honestly, I don't think so.
It is true that parenting can be rewarding for those parents who put in the effort to do their best and their children in turn are kind to them. Yet it is possible to have a good life and be satisfied without children. They are not necessary for happiness.
I shall say the same thing about being in a relationship: it doesn't guarantee happiness. With so much abuse, people being mismatched, and making mistakes; they don't make us happy all the time. It is possible to be single and happy with it as long as we don't make ourselves miserable over the fact we are still single.
Comments
If she had needed to talk, she should've spoken to her friends or maybe a therapist or counsellor.