Genetics Class Cancelled

A few days ago I found out that my online Genetics class is cancelled. I got a $511 credit for future classes. That's OK because I can spend more time on my Algebra and Biology I classes. I found out that universities often teach Genetics with a lab. I think that I will learn more that way. I hope to take Genetics in the Fall or Spring of next school year.

I applied at a pizza parlor yesterday. I hope I get the job. If I don't hear from them by the end of the week I'll figure that I didn't get the job. I told them that I have experience in a cafeteria and at Kmart with the register. That way they know that I have food service experience and cashiering experience. I still wonder if my age will work against me, even though I don't look my age at all. 

Practicing My Math

I have been practicing my Algebra before I take College Algebra this month. I took the class before and passed it, but that was a long time ago. I got a C-. I do hope to do much better this time. I found a website, Cool Math, that is a website that has math help for kids. That's exactly what I need. I have been learning a lot by looking at the site.
I remember learning HTML by going to Lissa Explains around 2000. That site was put up by a girl who wanted to teach other kids about web design. I was 20 years old then and I enjoyed learning how to be creative online. I am glad that the site is still up.
I do hope to get straight As this semester. I will also be taking Genetics and Biology I. 

Letting Go.

Today I finally did realize that I do have to let things go.  I do have to stop dwelling on the past.  I made some mistakes, put up with being hurt, was used, tried too hard for approval, and tried things that didn't work out.  I do have to now let it all go.

Emotional abuse is something that people don't talk about much.  Physical and sexual abuse are more commonly addressed.  Emotional abuse cuts at the soul. It's the invisible type of abuse.  The victim is made to feel inadequate, that nothing he/she does is good enough.  There is constant belittling, blaming, criticism.  They can't speak up and tell how they feel.  Walking on eggshells is a way of life.

I remember my aunt screaming and yelling at my sister and I.  She would scream and scream for a long time.  Just anything could set her off.  My mother had her living with us because she was a single mother.  Someone else was there to watch her kids too.

I was driven home from church school by my aunt for a while.  There were times when she would scream so loud my ears would pop in the car.  She said I was demon-possessed, Satan's agent, going to Hell, etc.  She would scream from the church yard, down the highway, and into the house.  I would cry and cry so hard I couldn't see anything, being completely blinded by tears.  My sister and I would hide under furniture when she was in her rages. 

I grew up in a highly restrictive religious atmosphere.  I was told it was wrong to wear jewelry, don sleeveless tops, wear cosmetics or drink coffee.  I did things out of fear for a while, then later just so I would fit in.  It wasn't because I believed in it, but I never dared question things so I would keep fitting in the group.

Over the years I noticed many of the other followers around me loosening up on their restrictions.  There are less people caring about many things.  I don't hold such conservative views on everything anymore. I realized some things don't matter that much.  When a certain group holds traditional morals, they can only matter to that group alone.  Other people don't see the same things as moral issues. 

The problem with restrictive religious groups is that they don't let people be individuals easily.  People are told how to think and act.  When things are very restrictive, it can be abusive. 

I don't think the faith I grew up in has to be abusive. It's just unfortunate that so many people have been caught up in traditions. Thinking for one's self about issues is important.

The Breaking Point

There does come a time in everyone's life when they have had enough of something.  Maybe it's finally the time they have had enough of a relationship.  Maybe they are tired of a certain place and they want to move somewhere else.  Maybe they want to explore some new thought and strip away the old.

I have finally been tired of the system I was raised in. I was raised in a highly conservative church, one whose values permeate every aspect of one's life.  Being raised in the Seventh-day Adventist Church can make one subject to a lifestyle that restricts them from being much of a part of the outside world.  It does depend on the individual however.  Yet there are some SDAs who have spent much of their lives being in the Adventist circles; going to school with Adventists, working for Adventists, volunteering with Adventists, and having Adventist friends. 

The conservative SDAs don't drink alcohol or smoke (ever) and dress conservatively.  Jewelry is prohibited in most circles.  Many are vegetarians, and generally the food at any gathering is vegetarian.  The SDAs don't dance or gamble.  There are some who won't attend movie theaters or listen to secular music.  Things are changing now and many people are not as strict about those things as they used to be.  Yet that was the world I was raised in.  I was afraid to break any of those rules because I then thought I wouldn't go to Heaven.

In grade school, I went to three different SDA church schools.  They were all terrible.  The first school had two teachers in two rooms who taught just over 20 students.  The second school had one room and 16 students.  The last one was similar to the first.

The first church was in the inner city.  The kids who came from the projects were rough.  There were some boys who used to pick on me a lot. I came home with bruises and nothing was done about it.  The boys had family that had high positions in the church and they could do as they liked.  My teacher wasn't the principal, the other one was.  She cared less about what people did.

After a year of homeschooling (not much happened, and my sister and I were allowed to go to the next level) we went to SDA school #2.  The principal from the first school had become a teacher there.  She was the same.  She sometimes came into school late.  She let the students walk around the school.  Some would even hang out under her desk, reading a book at her feet.  Some students wished to place boxes on their desks, which they used to hide away from everyone else.  A state inspector made them be tossed into the garbage.

The teacher decided to look busy when the parents arrived to pick their children up.  She would suddenly start teaching us something like conversational French, history, or art.  She would make nice paintings and give them away.  She had beautiful church programs for the parents, where we learned to sing in a choir and even use handbells.

After that I went to school #3.  My sister and I were in separate classrooms for the first time.  The teacher I had was from India.  She had lived in the USA since the age of ten.  She still didn't know that Delaware was a state.  She thought she could take the class on a field trip to see Biosphere II in Arizona.  It would take a two day drive to get there from Massachusetts and she didn't realize that.  She was kindly told that by a student.

I was baptized at the age of 12.  I was so HAPPY to do that. I was so proud of myself. My mother blubbered and cried in the front pew.  I felt that I was doing what Jesus wanted.  When I came up from the water my friends David and Denise started singing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" with a guitar.  My adopted grandmother Betty was waiting just outside the tank with a towel.  Many old ladies were kissing me later.

 While in high school I was so afraid of everyone else that I hardly spoke to anyone.  I attended a state school.  I didn't know what to say. My family didn't watch television, so I couldn't talk about that.  I didn't know how to explain to anyone about my ideas on jewelry, meat-eating (I was raised a vegetarian), strict Sabbath-keeping, and the fact I didn't dance.  So I just stayed away from everyone.  I know now that even though I was an honor-student, I failed. I failed in being a kind and loving person to everyone.  I could have been there for people who needed me. I could have brightened people's day. I could have more good memories of high school now.

Blah

So my sister came in the house 4 days ago and told my mother that she's not happy. She got married December 10 and this guy hasn't even moved in with her. He doesn't like the apartment. Having houses nearby and neighbors down below makes him anxious. His ex-girlfriend called him while he was on their honeymoon. And he kept saying he'd do some things with her and never did them. He hasn't helped her with anything. What a nut.
And then the next day she said they had dinner together and she wants to work things out with him. I don't get it. I just hope that when they get divorced she doesn't have to pay him alimony.
Today I saw her without her wedding band on.

Goals for This Year

I want to go somewhere interesting. I have been wanting to go to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket. I haven't been to those islands yet. I would like to see the Polly Hill Arboretum or the West Tisbury Fair on the Vineyard. Nantucket's Daffodil Festival looks like fun.
I have been wanting to go to Lake Champlain for many years. I found out that my great-great-great grandfather Joseph Cadrette was born in North Hero, which is a town on an island in the lake. I would like to visit his birthplace. I would like to find out more about his parents as well.
It's too bad I am so broke. I just want to go to one of those places.

2017

I watched the Ball drop in Times Square on television, with Ryan Seacrest hosting "Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve". I enjoyed watching the show. I didn't look to see when it started, so I did miss some of the first part. I started watching it around 10 pm and it started earlier. Bummer. I watched it to just after 2 am and then went to bed. I would like to go to Times Square someday for New Years' Eve. I went to First Night in Worcester, MA a few times in high school and haven't been back since. I would like to go to back to that too. I am glad I didn't go anywhere for New Years' Eve yesterday as it was raining hard for a while. Some neighbors set off fireworks at midnight and I stood in the doorway and watched them for a while. Of course, they were set off at the apartment building down the street. It always seems that it's those tenants who always do it, even though it's different people over the years. It seems like those who have less money are the ones more willing to spend money on stuff like that.

For New Year's resolutions I want to get rid of more clutter, use Facebook less, and also work to get straight A's next semester. I hope to also get a very good score in the GRE next December or January 2018. I also want to try to carry myself better, to act like someone who is educated. I need a more regal air about myself. I am a college graduate and former teacher who has been to 20 countries and territories. I need to start acting like I am someone of high rank.