Keira Brigit Pauline

YAY! My seeds from Baker Creek came in the mail on Wednesday! I got a packet of Riesentrube (bunch of grapes) tomato seeds, lime basil, lemon basil, and Rudbiecka "Mexican Hat" flower seeds. The butterflies should like those flowers. Unfortunately, I also got a paper in the mail for JURY DUTY. Ha ha. oh FUN! I hope the jury duty either gets cancelled or I can just sit there and read a book and get paid for it. www.rareseeds.com

I was an English major in college and one of my former classmates graduated and started getting her master's in English. She told me that I reminded her of the Medieval studies majors at her university. I wonder why. What would the characteristics of a medieval studies major be? (I asked this on Livejournal a long time ago). Answers:  "I don't know, do you wear a lot of shapeless hand knitted natural fibers perhaps? roll your own cigarettes and tend to avoid shaving?" "I would expect medieval students to be eccentric crusties who lean towards sitting in mud and listening to folk music." "D o you play Dungeons and Dragons?" "Loves the renaissance faire" 'Absolutely refuses to believe in modern science, and argues everything from an Aristotelian standpoint? "Damn you and your theory of gravity, that rock's going down because it wants to go home."' "Beowulf 24/7" "I'm a M...

Hello, June will mark 5 years off Benzos. I only used benzos for a few months, yet I still had a bad withdrawal from them. I was paranoid, suicidal, had heart palpitations, stomach issues, tingling, buzzing sound in my head, headaches, and numbness. I am glad to finally be over the withdrawals for a while now. Last year I finally found work again, even though it was temporary work, I did find work again. I did go back to school and took 2 classes. I got an A- and a B-. I have my next semester all paid for and will be taking 3 classes. I am hoping to get into university for a degree in Chemistry, even though I am a non-traditional student. I don't care if I am older than most of the students around me. I am looking at forensics or working with animals. I will see what happens. I just want to tell you all that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get over the symptoms and the anxiety will get better. I had crippling anxiety for years, but I kept learning to talk m...

A few days ago I found out that my online Genetics class is cancelled. I got a $511 credit for future classes. That's OK because I can spend more time on my Algebra and Biology I classes. I found out that universities often teach Genetics with a lab. I think that I will learn more that way. I hope to take Genetics in the Fall or Spring of next school year. I applied at a pizza parlor yesterday. I hope I get the job. If I don't hear from them by the end of the week I'll figure that I didn't get the job. I told them that I have experience in a cafeteria and at Kmart with the register. That way they know that I have food service experience and cashiering experience. I still wonder if my age will work against me, even though I don't look my age at all. 

I have been practicing my Algebra before I take College Algebra this month. I took the class before and passed it, but that was a long time ago. I got a C-. I do hope to do much better this time. I found a website, Cool Math, that is a website that has math help for kids. That's exactly what I need. I have been learning a lot by looking at the site. I remember learning HTML by going to Lissa Explains around 2000. That site was put up by a girl who wanted to teach other kids about web design. I was 20 years old then and I enjoyed learning how to be creative online. I am glad that the site is still up. I do hope to get straight As this semester. I will also be taking Genetics and Biology I. 

Today I finally did realize that I do have to let things go.  I do have to stop dwelling on the past.  I made some mistakes, put up with being hurt, was used, tried too hard for approval, and tried things that didn't work out.  I do have to now let it all go. Emotional abuse is something that people don't talk about much.  Physical and sexual abuse are more commonly addressed.  Emotional abuse cuts at the soul. It's the invisible type of abuse.  The victim is made to feel inadequate, that nothing he/she does is good enough.  There is constant belittling, blaming, criticism.  They can't speak up and tell how they feel.  Walking on eggshells is a way of life. I remember my aunt screaming and yelling at my sister and I.  She would scream and scream for a long time.  Just anything could set her off.  My mother had her living with us because she was a single mother.  Someone else was there to watch her kids too. I was dr...

There does come a time in everyone's life when they have had enough of something.  Maybe it's finally the time they have had enough of a relationship.  Maybe they are tired of a certain place and they want to move somewhere else.  Maybe they want to explore some new thought and strip away the old. I have finally been tired of the system I was raised in. I was raised in a highly conservative church, one whose values permeate every aspect of one's life.  Being raised in the Seventh-day Adventist Church can make one subject to a lifestyle that restricts them from being much of a part of the outside world.  It does depend on the individual however.  Yet there are some SDAs who have spent much of their lives being in the Adventist circles; going to school with Adventists, working for Adventists, volunteering with Adventists, and having Adventist friends.  The conservative SDAs don't drink alcohol or smoke (ever) and dress conservatively.  Jewelry ...

So my sister came in the house 4 days ago and told my mother that she's not happy. She got married December 10 and this guy hasn't even moved in with her. He doesn't like the apartment. Having houses nearby and neighbors down below makes him anxious. His ex-girlfriend called him while he was on their honeymoon. And he kept saying he'd do some things with her and never did them. He hasn't helped her with anything. What a nut. And then the next day she said they had dinner together and she wants to work things out with him. I don't get it. I just hope that when they get divorced she doesn't have to pay him alimony. Today I saw her without her wedding band on.

I want to go somewhere interesting. I have been wanting to go to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket. I haven't been to those islands yet. I would like to see the Polly Hill Arboretum or the West Tisbury Fair on the Vineyard. Nantucket's Daffodil Festival looks like fun. I have been wanting to go to Lake Champlain for many years. I found out that my great-great-great grandfather Joseph Cadrette was born in North Hero, which is a town on an island in the lake. I would like to visit his birthplace. I would like to find out more about his parents as well. It's too bad I am so broke. I just want to go to one of those places.

I watched the Ball drop in Times Square on television, with Ryan Seacrest hosting "Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve". I enjoyed watching the show. I didn't look to see when it started, so I did miss some of the first part. I started watching it around 10 pm and it started earlier. Bummer. I watched it to just after 2 am and then went to bed. I would like to go to Times Square someday for New Years' Eve. I went to First Night in Worcester, MA a few times in high school and haven't been back since. I would like to go to back to that too. I am glad I didn't go anywhere for New Years' Eve yesterday as it was raining hard for a while. Some neighbors set off fireworks at midnight and I stood in the doorway and watched them for a while. Of course, they were set off at the apartment building down the street. It always seems that it's those tenants who always do it, even though it's different people over the years. It seems like those who have less money a...