2016

This has been a lousy year for the most part. First, 2016 took away many great celebrities: Prince, David Bowie, George Michael, Carrie Fisher, Leonard Cohen, and many others. Some of them were older people who were ready to go, such as Bobby Vee. Yet many of those weren't ready to go yet. Also, the drama of U.S. politics was terrible. I believe that both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were terrible candidates, and I hate that out of the 300 million people living in the USA, that those two had to be picked to be the runners for the presidential race.
Also, my sister got married to a complete weirdo, someone my mother and I didn't approve of. My sister and that guy hardly knew each other, were only seeing each other for 9 months, and even then spent most of their relationship in texting each other constantly. They didn't spend much time together in person, even though they lived in the same town. My sister took a temporary job in Maine that kept her away from the area for much of the summer though, so that kept her away from him. Yet even after only dating for a few months, my sister didn't want to move anywhere because she didn't want to leave this guy. That individual is a complete mental case. He lived with his mother, had no decent job, no education, is on medication for mild schizophrenia, and gets $800 a month from the government for his mental problems. Dammit. My sister is a registered nurse and wants that moron. She insists that she found the love of her life and got angry when my mother and I tried talking sense into her. We didn't take this relationship seriously at all. Then on November 21, just a few days before Thanksgiving, she announced that she was marrying this guy on December 10. My mother had never met the man, and I had only met him once and spoke to him for a few minutes. I was angry at her and told her off. She then refused to have him over for Thanksgiving because she thought I would do something mean to him. Anyways, they got married by the Justice of the Peace outside in December. And my mother finally met the man. I was civil. I wish my sister would have chosen someone else or just stayed single. What a fool. They are already having problems.
Yet on the better note, I was able to finally find work again after being chronically ill for a few years. I landed a summer job at a local Kmart that was closing, and I therefore made enough money to be able to pay for classes in the Fall. I am thankful that I was able to return to school. I took two classes and received an A- and a B-, which isn't bad.
I am already paid up for the Spring 2017 semester. I was hoping to go to state university, but it hasn't worked out yet. I will see what happens and what works out.

So My Sister Got Married December 10

My sister has been seeing a local guy since last February or March. She has had a relationship mostly based on texting each other a lot. She sees him once in a while at his mother's cafe. Sometimes they'll hang out there for an hour or so. I know they have been to another local cafe a few times together and have walked the local river trail.
This man has a social anxiety disorder and mild schizophrenia. He works at his mother's cafe. He usually works out back because he is nervous around customers. His mother set him and my sister up so that he can "get out of his shell". His schizophrenia is supposedly controlled by medication. He gets $800 a month from the government for his mental illness.
This guy has no higher education and my sister is a nurse and also holds a bachelor's degree in Art. He went to the prestigious Bancroft School in Massachusetts until high school, but never went to college. He is supposed to be very intelligent then, but it looks like he doesn't know how to apply himself. He says he wants to go back to school for physics.
My sister has fell for this man hook, line, and sinker. Yet, she hardly knows this man. There is no way she has a great relationship with this person, like she claims she does. Texting does have body language or a tone of voice. She has even visited the cafe many times to go see him and has been told that "you just missed him" and "he's busy out back".
She didn't tell us about her nuptial plans until November 21, when she announced that she would be marrying this guy on December 10. It has shocked everyone. I don't think this marriage will last, and honestly, I hope it doesn't.

Cults are Abusive

I was raised in the Seventh-day Adventist Church. It started out in upstate New York, in the same area and time period when many other fringe groups started out. The Shakers had already made a big presence there for some time. The Latter-Day Saints, Spiritualism, and the Oneida group started up over there.

The SDA church started with William Miller, who was a lay preacher, farmer, and veteran of the War of 1812's Battle of Plattsburgh. William Miller studied his Bible and was especially intrigued by the book of Daniel. He felt that the world was going to come to an end in 1843. He spoke at various places around the northeast United States and gained around 50,000 followers. Later they were waiting for Christ to return on October 22, 1844.  When that failed to happen, many members disbanded and went back to their previous churches. Some formed the Advent Christian Church, and some others formed the Seventh-day Adventists.

First, William Miller should have never started what he did. First, the Bible is adamant that nobody knows the day nor the hour when Christ will return (Matthew 24). Also Luke 21:8 states that many people will say "the end is nigh" and we are not to follow them. The damage Miller has done ruined many lives and is continuing to ruin many lives.

Growing up in the Seventh-day Adventist Church was difficult. It was hard to make friends outside the church because of all the rules we had to follow. For example, we never ate meat except on certain holidays when we would have turkey. The dietary restrictions caused social problems, especially in the 1980s and early 1990s when vegetarianism was less common and acceptable than it is now. We weren't allowed to dance or wear jewelry, all things that many girls loved to do. I missed out on my proms. Strict Sabbath observance was a must and from sunset Friday to sunset on Saturday we didn't listen to the radio, watch TV, go shopping, go swimming, or go to any secular events. That made us miss out on many things and also made friendship more difficult.

People around us were scrutinizing what we wore and what we ate. I wore a dress or skirt to church every Saturday, even in the dead of Winter. My mother told me that makeup was wrong, so I never wore it, even in high school. I was constantly being given health advice from Adventists. I was told things that "Don't you know those Skittles contain gelatin?".

I kept on hoping for a "nice Adventist guy" to come and sweep me off my feet. He never came around. Many thought I wasn't good enough for them for various reasons. I could have come from a "better" family (SDA big shots). I could be more conservative or less conservative. I could be a different ethnicity, I could like certain activities, etc. They all seemed to have some excuse as to why I never could make the cut. Some others preferred women who weren't Adventist because they felt that they couldn't find a SDA woman who was good enough. Go figure.

So after finally leaving the Adventist church for true Christianity, I am still trying to get over all the pain and damage that this group has caused me. I am trying to get better self-esteem, improve my social skills, and navigate this world.  I know it's going to be difficult, but I know I can do it.

1995 Was One of the Best Years of My Life

1995 was the best year of my life, except for the death of a friend on November 12. Yesterday made 21 years since her death. 

The year 1995 was when I started high school at a public school. I attended my first pep rally. Having attended church schools all my life, I didn't know what a pep rally even was. I remember my ears popping from all the yelling and shouting in the gymnasium. 

That year was the year I met Nathan, whom I saw at many Adventist events for many years after that.  I always looked for him. He liked me a lot. He would eventually be killed in a car accident, but that wouldn't happen until December 1999. 

That was the year I first went to the SDA camp meeting in Freeport, Maine. I had just met Nathan at the camp meeting in Massachusetts, and his family then went to the one in Maine. We got to spend lots of time together. We went to a water park in Saco. I remember him having deep sunburn and his skin on his fingers peeling badly. He loved to have fun. I miss his blue eyes and rosy cheeks. 

I also went to Block Island for the first time. I have yet to go to Block Island again. I had lots of fun there. It is a beautiful island. I have always loved islands because I see them as worlds in themselves.

I lost Gracie on November 12 due to AIDS. She was the foster child of a family I knew at church. She died of AIDS because her parents were drug users. 

I still miss Nathan and Gracie.

Jo Died.

My friend Jo passed away. She had some ongoing health problems for many years. She was told in 2012 that she didn't have a year to live. She kept going for some reason. God wasn't done with her yet. Yet on October 22 she was found with 21 pain patches on her. I am wondering if she was losing her mind and put those on, or if she purposely committed suicide. She had some brain damage from that and died a week later.
I still haven't deleted our texts or even her phone number from my phone. I still am fooling myself into believing that I can call her again. I can't. I will miss her. She was a good counselor for me. 

Goodbye, Jo

My good friend I met in South Korea is dying, or is maybe dead as I type this. She has been very ill for a few years now. She was supposed to have died 4 years ago. Yet she has held on this long. She has been mostly house-bound. Her aides just found 21 pain patches on her. A neighbor texted me. She said they are doing end of life care because it looks like she has brain damage.
It is just as well that she goes. She has been suffering enough. 

Starting All Over

For what it's worth...it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald. 

I am Frustrated

I have been looking for work. I was working at Kmart until it closed on July 31. I was there for 2 months for their closing sale. I am glad I had that job because I needed the money. I liked the people there, it was a nice group of people. I hated to leave because I liked working there. Yet I was also happy for it to be over because it was hectic over the last few weeks.
I did some temporary work for a while. It was OK. I had to stop doing my position due to a college class I am taking 2 afternoons a week. I am hoping to find something else soon.