Goodbye 2009

I am glad to see 2009 go. Honestly, I didn't have much of a good year overall.
I left for Korea on December 26, 2008 for my second try at working there. I had worked there from 2005-2006. I missed Korea and was looking for another good experience, hopefully even better than my previous one.
I left my home on Christmas. I had been there for two years, mostly because I was helping my aunt after she had a stroke. I was employed sporadically and was lonely a lot. I told my family I loved them and I left with my sister. I would spend the night at her place before going to the airport in the morning. I went back for something I left behind. My aunt then said to me "don't you say anything about loving us, because if you did you wouldn't be going back to Korea".
Her words stung. I went to my sister's car and fumed about how I hung around to take care of her, helping her dress herself and taking her places. I do realise now that I can't take things she says to heart. Her mind isn't all there and she just didn't want to see me go.
I took a job with a hagwon that taught mostly middle-schoolers. I hated it. I had to be with the children alone, and they were rowdy and disrespectful. I broke my contract in April, but they wouldn't let me leave until the end of June. I later took a job at a high school. The contract ends in June 2010 and I am not going to renew it. I am going to make the best of it, but I am tired of the students sleeping, doing other work, or spacing out rather than listen to me. I do wonder about my purpose there. I have decided I won't work with children ever again.
I am not sure about staying in Korea. I did get accepted to do a graduate programme there in Public Health, and so I will stay around Korea if I am to complete that. I will be 30 years old and I should complete something soon.
I had some bad health. Around July I started having bad acid reflux. I had trouble swallowing food because I was constantly thinking about choking. There is nothing wrong my my throat, yet I did have some corrosion in my esophagus. I have to get over the fear of choking, the acid makes it feel that there is something in my throat. I also had an outbreak of psoriasis all over my body. I now only have it on my legs. I never had it before. It's all because of stress.
In September, Puffy, my sister's cat died. It got ill. Within a week I picked up a stray kitten by the side of the road. It died in just over a week because of breathing problems. A few days later I bought a kitten from a hawker that died in a few days (the idiot didn't take care of it). I soon rescued two more kittens from there, and they survived. I gave them to my mother because they wouldn't let me sleep and they were destroying the one-room apartment I have.
On the positive side, I started taekwondo in July. I did get to do some nice outdoor activities like hiking. I did make some new friends. I like attending the English church at Sahmyook University and going to some Korean churches now and then.
I do hope 2010 will be better for me. I do see the world getting crazier. I do hope things look up in my life. I still want to hold onto my friends, get good grades, and have some good times.

Books and Cats

Suzy the Scholar Cat!

This is how my books came from www.amazon.com. They were delivered to the local supermarket. I will have stuff delivered to the school from now on.


The cats exploring the box.

Forgiveness

Last weekend I went to the Ilsan English Church to talk to someone who is a counselor. I had to talk about some things. I had a number of things I wanted to let off my chest.
Well, I grew up feeling "different". I had posted about it before. I could read National Geographic at age six and liked reading the World Book Encyclopedia at age 7. I have memories from before the age of two. I was asked if anything was ever done for my talents and I had to say "no". My mother insisted that my sister and I go to church schools, and anything else was out of the question. We never skipped grades because we were constantly changing schools. Well, technically we did skip grades. For third grade and sixth grade I was homeschooled (for my sister it would be second and fifth) and we didn't do much work. We just went to the new grade with no questions asked.
Before I left for Korea again, my aunt was hateful. I left the house on Christmas night to spend the night with my sister. She would take me to the airport in the morning. I told my mother and aunt I loved them. I went outside. I later went back inside because I forgot something. My aunt said to me "Don't you say anything about loving us, because if you did you wouldn't be going back to Korea!". I shut the door and went back to the car. "How could she say that!" I said to my sister. I had been there when she had a stroke. I had taken care of her. I felt so hurt.

I know that my aunt is deteriorating. When I came to Korea, I wondered how long I should stay, thinking about the possibility of her having another stroke. Yet, I will no longer make myself responsible for her.

I did grow up with my aunt saying many things to me that upset me. She had a temper and a short fuse. I really do need to forgive her and move on. I am glad to be halfway around the world now. Yet, I won't ever go back where I came from, I am not interested.

Nathan died ten years ago today.

Yes, today marks the tenth anniversary of Nathan's death. He died at Andrews University. I knew him for five years.
I was busy all day because of final exams. I was also cleaning out my dorm room for Christmas break and packing for my trip home. I had heard some information about a car accident, but dismissed the information because I didn't know much about it.
I was happy to finish with my exams because it was some less things I had to think about. I decided to go to bed early I had to leave early in the morning to get a ride with a friend.
I found some students talking in the hallway and they were all sad. They said that the car accident was Nathan's car. I didn't have to be told he died, I just knew. I want to my room and cried hard. I cried and cried for a long time and just wet my pillow. I found that he was out early that morning and went to get blank CDs for a friend of his. The weather was terrible, he should have stayed on campus. He was rushing back to get to an exam. He lost control of his car and it slid into an oncoming bus. The bus was carrying schoolchildren, none of them were badly hurt.
The service was held on Dec. 31, 1999. It was a beautiful service. His academy's choir sang. A friend played a cello solo. There was a table loaded with things of his: baby pictures, his baby blanket, Pathfinder club sash, his car keys with a keychain made of a computer piece, photos of the accident, etc. His computer was set up on the hall where there was a lunch for everyone. His favorite hymns were sang.
Time is a healer. I have moved on with my life, and so has everyone else. For a long time I caught myself looking for him in places where we hung out. I remember the day I met him in 1995, when we were on a lake together in kyaks and he began to splash me with his paddle. Later we went swimming and he threw seaweed at me. He was teasing me. I miss walking around with him and talking about various things. I miss his blue eyes framed by thick glasses (he was blind as a bat without them). I do wish he could have lived and done things with his life. He was so smart and talented.
I will be glad to see him in Heaven someday. I do agree with Hamlet that "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".

Top Twenty Countries I Want to Visit

Here is a list of the top twenty countries I want to visit. I know the list is very quixotic, so if I had all the time and money at my disposal:

1. Nepal

This little kingdom in the Himalayas still has living goddesses called "Kumaris". Kathmandu looks like a magnificent old city.

2. Bhutan

This tiny kingdom only accepts a few thousand visitors every year. The flora and fauna are very exotic. It is a very traditional country.

3. South Africa

I have met up with many South Africans in Korea. I had three roommates from SA. I hear about the country a lot, so I am interested in going there.

4. Hong Kong

I met up with a world traveler and he told me Hong Kong was his favourite country. Hong Kong means "fragrant harbour" in Chinese.

5. North Korea

Having lived in South Korea for a total of two and a half years, I wonder what is in the neighbouring country. I have heard of Geumgangsan (Gold River Mountain), which is supposed to be beautiful and Baekdusan on the Chinese/NK border. Pyongyang seems interesting and Kaesong as well.

6. Kazakhstan

Central Asia is a place I know little about. I do know that the Silk Road ran through there, and the USSR used to be there. Kazakhstan, Tajikstan, Turkmenistan, Kyrzygstan, and Uzbekistan are all nestled together. I think that area is alluring. I have heard good things about Almaty, the capital of Kazakhstan. I know there are more openings for teaching English there.

7. Yemen

This little country next to Saudi Arabia is the legendary home of the Queen of Sheba. Sana'a is one of the oldest continually inhabited cities on Earth. (Damascus in Syria is THE oldest). Unfortunately, the country is collapsing on itself because of the problem of qat chewing, which is making zombies out of the populace and is using up a lot of land and water. The place looks intereresting though.

8. United Arab Emirates

DUBAI!!! Dubai has awesome hotels, a replica of Venice, good shopping, great restaurants, etc etc etc. There is the Palm Project, where an extension of land was made to stick out into the ocean and have hotels, golf courses, and shops built there. Abu Dhabi will eventually have branches of the Louvre and Guggenheim.

9. Vietnam

This country has the famous boat people. It also has nice mountains and rain forest.

10. India

India is a subcontinent with many different cultures in it. There are rhododendron forests, the Taj Mahal, the Tamil region with its nice cuisine...

11. Australia

It's its own continent. I want to visit every continent.

12. Argentina

Argentina is known as the Europe of South America. It has a lot of German and Italian culture. Patagonia is a backpacker's paradise. Tierra del Fuego has the southernmost town in the world.

13. Greece

When I was an undergraduate student of English literature, I studied A.E. Stallings. She is an American poet who moved to Greece with her Greek husband. She said that while studying ancient Greek poetry, she read about flowers from different stages of spring blooming at the same time. She thought that it was about a "golden era" that the poems were mentioning. When she visited Greece however, she saw all those flowers blooming at one time in the alpine climate. That would be nice to see.

14. Iceland

This land has little crime, lots of history, the land of Sigur Ros and Bjork, and has many hot springs!

15. New Zealand

The land of Lord of the Rings! I want to see the unwasted pristine beauty of its great mountains and beaches. I would really like to go to the Catlins, a nice national park there.

16. Lithuania

Vilnius is a bohemian enclave now. I had the privilege of touring a convalecent home that had many Lithuanians. The place was filled with Lithuanian art made from straw. There were many pictures made of straw.

17. Poland

I have ancestors from there. My mother's father's side of the family was Polish. I lived in an old Polish enclave in Webster, Massachusetts.

18. Peru

I want to go to Macchu Picchu, the ancient Incan civilisation.

19. Madagascar

When I was in high school I took a class in botany. For a project, I had to pick three countries and write about the flora there. I had to choose a few plants that were native to each country and resesarch them. I chose Grenada, India, and Madagascar. The rain forests on that island nation intrigued me because of its abundance of medicinal plants and orchids. The "Star of David" orchid has the longest nectar tube of any flower, and it is pollinated by a moth with the longest proboscis in the world.

Some other places I think would be nice to visit are:

1. Provence and Alsace in France. Provence has fields of lavender and Alsace has mountains.


2. Saaremaa in Estonia. This little island has an interesting terrain with craters.


3. Pompeii. I got enamored with this place after reading a May 1984 edition of "National Geographic". I used to look at that issue a lot in church school.


4. Aleutian Islands. Thousands of native Aleuts still live there and Kodiak Island is famous for its wildlife.


5. Petra. This ancient city is made out of rose-coloured rock.


6. Antarctica. There are Antarctic cruises out there (probably mostly for people who want to visit every continent). Penguins, whales, seals, krill--there is some life in that place.

Last Weekend

Last Saturday I stayed at the high school where I work. I had to do the English Sabbath School in the morning. I wasn't supposed to do it, but the person who was to do it had to do something else. I therefore wasn't able to attend the English church later. I thought of trying to go to the English church to join a group that would be going to a Korean church later. There was a meal at my high school for the staff, and I was very tired. I decided to eat lunch and then just go home and take a nap. I was also too tired to go anywhere on Saturday night.
On Sunday I got up and went to the COEX Mall. I wanted to leave earlier, but I had no sleep. My cats woke me up and my neighbors were loud. My Americans across the hall came back late and were loud. The Korean man next to me had his TV blaring. I left and browsed the book store for some books to use in English classes and to learn Korean. I quickly went home to return a cat I have been watching for someone. I got the cat and quickly went to meet my friend to hand it over. I do feel it is best to give it back, even though the owner said I could keep it. Having three cats is too much for my little space.
I had dinner over the home of Michael and Miriam, who teach Public Health at the university. Maike and Ronda were also there. I stayed later and talked with Miriam. She said that we will have anatomy and physiology as a class next semester, and the class will involve real cadavers. Wow. I told her about my trip to Myanmar. She said we should try to go there next year, do a Thailand, Myanmar, and Hong Kong trip. Sounds like fun to me. I should contact my friend and make arrangements with her acquaintance in Myanmar.
I have been very tired, stressed out, and anxious lately. I really need a vacation.

Going Home

Soon I will be visiting "home" for two weeks. I am a bit reluctant to call it home. Korea has become my home for now. I don't plan on returning to my old town for good. I have decided that I may stay abroad for many years, possibly for life. However, I have thought of studying in the USA again, but that woulnd't mean won't make plans to leave the USA later.
I don't have the faith in my country as I was raised to have it. I was raised with the notion that the United States is the "best" country in the world, everybody wanted to live there, and that that the US of A had the biggest and best of everything. How wrong that was. I moved away from that mentality and decided to explore the globe. If I didn't, I would be bissfully ignorant and trying to live it up the American way, happily thinking that I wouldn't need to see the world outside the borders. Yet I became a traveler, a seeker, and it is something I will never get over.
I am happy to go visit so that I can see some family and friends. I am looking forward to going to my home church and seeing everyone. I am also looking forward to visiting Boston and some other places with my sister and friends. I will go shopping for some things that are hard to come by in Korea. I am glad to see the pets that live with my family, four cats and two dogs. Unfortunately one cat died a few months ago. Two others are ancient and don't have long to live.
I do think that if I ever want to settle in the USA again, I most likely would live in either Boston or New York City. Those are very diverse and cultural areas. There is lots of academia, museums, art districts, etc. That would make it worth living there.